It's ok to be Different

Everyday. Everywhere. There is this pressure to fit in. to be like those around you. To think the same. To do the same. To act like everyone. Talk acceptably. . .

But I don't fit in. I never have. Trying to fit;  trying to be like others; trying to understand what is right for me and my family when the world pushes us to be like others is SO stressful.

Right now our kids do kindergarten at home. Which is acceptable here in LV. There is a program at a local kindergarten where they go once a week for a lesson and then are given homework. I also teach them an American Christian Program from Heart of Dakota.

But every week or (it seems even more often) I am asked why my kids don't go to kindergarten. Do they go or some other similar question. The pressure to attend, since that is what most do is so STRONG.

Then there is the question of school. Next year our oldest will be in first grade. Most people assume he will go to school. But since I was home-schooled and some know that they assume I will try to do it (since now it is possible here). 

I like teaching my kids. I enjoy seeing their progress. But it IS stressful. I have too many hobbies. I sell my art online on Etsy. Balancing lessons, and art and running a household is VERY tedious, and chaotic.

I want my kids to be involved. But I also don't want them or me (our family) overwhelmed. They need time to be kids as well. Knowing the balance is an art. This year my oldest also started music school. He is learning violin, and has theory lessons. This is good, but another thing to fill our time.

I don't know what is best for our family concerning next year and homeschool vs. public school. There are moments where I think sending my oldest to school would be so easy, and he probably would like it. But is that what's best for him? Is he ready?Is his character established? I know that I would feel like I wasn't doing the right thing when I imagine sending him next year. I am praying hard to know what will be best for our boy. Each child is different and as parents we must take that and our circumstances into account.

I guess when I think of the prospect of keeping him home next year and doing home-school the thing that scares me the must is the pressure and comments of others. Homeschool is not accepted here. Until recently only sick kids were taught at home by teachers. I fear what people will say. I fear the pressure. I fear being different. I fear standing out.

When you live in another culture and perhaps even in our own we long to fit. But when you are in a different country you really don't want to stand out any more than necessary. But lately I have been realizing yet again it is OK TO BE DIFFERENT!

God has made each of us UNIQUE!

If I could just grasp that and if others would too then the world would be a whole lot friendlier.

Somehow yesterday I decided to watch about the Duggar family- they have 19 kids. I had never watched any of their episodes, I had only heard of them. And I have been so blessed, and encouraged by watching and reading about their family. They are godly, they are different, they are AMAZING! And as I reflected on how they raise their children and live their lives and are so very different and in such a GREAT way I was again reminded.

It IS ok to be different.

And it isn't just ok, it is GOOD to be different!

Baltic Church Conference- Bill Hybels

Friday I had the opportunity to attend the Baltic Church Conference. It had been years since I'd been to a conference and I was excited to hear some great speakers, in English (my language).

I was really touched and reminded of a lot of good things and my calling, etc. I thought I would try to share some highlights of the things that most spoke to me.

I was honored to finally get to hear Bill Hybels- he is so famous in the US and I had never heard him.

I was challenged by the fact that the most difficult person we will ever lead is ourselves.

The last couple of years I have thought alot about discipline in my life and how if I want my kids to have discipline in their lives I have to have it too.

Bill shared some ways he does a self check-up every 30 days to see how he is doing at leading himself. He shared some of the questions that he asks himself as a beginning to get us started in what we could ask ourselves.

Those questions were:

1. Is my calling sure: Sometimes the only thing that keeps us in "the game" is our calling and the fact that God has not yet released us from that calling. 
2. Is my passion hot? An inspired person is 40% more effective than one uninspired doing the same job. Inspiration is a feeling and it is our job to keep ourselves inspired. 
3. Is my character conforming to the image of Christ? 
4. Is my pride subdued? 
5. What decisions am I making consciously that are tethered to the subconscious? 

In addition to those good thoughts he also talked about the fact that we are most effective when our "bucket" is full.

A full bucket in ones life looks like this:

• just back from vacation
• great relationships with family
• on track on our diets
• properly caring for ourselves

When we are "full" we make fantastic decisions and can accept the ups and downs life throws at us.

BUT when we are empty we are:

• easily irritated
• impatient with others
• hard on the people around us.  

It is our responsibility to keep ourselves full. We have to know what those positive steams of energy are that keep us full and do them: Ex: reading, adventures, exercise, healthy eating, seminars, etc.

It was a great lecture and even though some things may have seemed simple they were great reminders. My friends and I had a laugh over the empty bucket sounding like "tired mom syndrome." Moms so often are running on empty and it is hard to get filled up. We, as Moms need to take time to fill up ourselves too for the sake of our husbands and kids and ourselves!

When it's all said and done. . .

I am a people pleaser.

I have always wanted to do my best and make everyone around me happy.

Tonight as I dragged my weary self from work (the work I love) I felt defeated- again. I wondered if I had done a good enough job and if my cakes will be delicious and right, and hold up. I wondered if I remembered to do everything I was supposed to. I wondered if I had parented correctly. I wondered and wondered. . . And when I looked at myself I was displeased- always expecting better of myself.

I realized all of a sudden that I will never please all these people. These sinful people, just like me are always pointing their fingers and finding faults. I realized that no one will ever be pleased with me entirely. I realized that parenting will always have its moments. . .

But most importantly I FINALLY realized that all those things, and opinions don't matter. If at the end of my day I could ask my Lord, "Did I please you today?" And if I were to hear Him say, "Well done my daughter." That would be enough, completely enough.

For in this big world people will always find fault with me and what I do- and I need to accept that. I will always make mistakes now and again. But what is most important is whether I lived THIS day to the honor of HIM who made me. Did I please HIM? Did I live the way HE wants?

If so, then that is enough.

And when I lay my head down on my pillow I can breath a deep sigh of relief; knowing that He who made me loves me. He who created my unique talents and details accepts me. And HE will help me live each day for Him, if I will just ask.

You don't have to do it all!

My day seemed going wrong, everything I attempted seemed to fail. The dessert I was making ended up being completely ruined because the thickener I was using lost its lid and all of the contents spilled into the pot- making a mass so thick a spoon could stand up straight in it.

Then while making supper I was attempting to open something with a knife and ended up stabbing the palm of my left hand, at least 1/4 of an inch deep.

The blood and pain, and tears somehow washed my soul. The prayers of a husband and two little ones reminded me how dear my family is and how much I depend on them. A stiff hand and the fact I can't use it, or lift things as usual has meant I have had to set aside many things I would normally do.

So this wound I blamed on a day gone wrong has ended up slowing me down. And in the calm I have more time to wonder why I was fretting over so many things. Yes, there is a list a mile long of things to do, things that never get completely done. But do they really matter?

I walk through my garden seeing the things done, rather than the weeds to be pulled.

I sit and hold my baby, growing up so fast, now already a year old. Today he doesn't feel so well, his tummy aches and he loves to snuggle with his head on my shoulder. I have no where to rush, I can't wash dishes as usual, I can't weed, I have to wait and let my hand heal. And so we can snuggle in peace, enjoying the closeness of mother and child. Uninterrupted by my mile long list, because I have been stopped in my tracks.

And so despite the foolishness of a moment when I wounded myself worse than ever before I can rejoice. Rejoice in the fact that it is OK if I don't get everything done. Rejoice in the fact that I am not and don't have to be perfect, or super Mom/Woman. Rejoice in the fact that these precious moments spent holding our children and giving them our full attention is much more important than the many THINGS we could ever hope to accomplish.

So dear Mommy.

It is OK, if you don't get everything done on your list today, or tomorrow or EVER!

It is OK if you just stop and take a break and let the swirling rush of the world pass you by, enjoying and savoring this moment with those you love and most importantly taking the time to pray for their sweet little souls.

Is is OK if others do more than you. Haven't you learned yet NOT to compare yourself or your children?!

It is OK just to be you!

Joy In Routine

Are you a Mom or a person stuck in routine? Do you delight in your routine or disdain it? Perhaps both at times. . . 

Lately I have noticed how the very rhythm of routine is calming. 

I awake to sunshine. Knowing that this day holds the care and rearing of my 3 small children. 

I pray and entrust this day to God, asking for his presence. Knowing that without it I will fail miserably and knowing I will stumble in my humanity from time to time. 

I dress my little ones, I wash clothes, I feed them. I cook meals,  I kiss owies, I give hugs and make pony tails. 

These are my responsibilities, my pleasures, my joys. 

I know I could leave my young brood with a nanny and work.I know I could do more and be with them less. 

Yet, No One will love them and influence them the way a Mama can. 

I have accepted my place. At long last I have found joy in the routine.  My greatest pleasures are the simple ones of motherhood. The new words, the lessons I teach my children daily with our homeschool, the Bible stories taught and questions asked. 

I have a calling, it may not change the world. But it is changing the lives of 3 little people; one minute, hour and day at a time. 

And each day when I see the principles, the character and the faith of my children growing and developing, I am proud and at peace. 

For there really is no greater calling for a woman, a mother, a wife than to serve well that which she has been entrusted.

Winter's Flowers

A little reminder to myself to see God in the little things. I posted this 7 years ago during my first year in Latvia.

 

February 6, 2006

 

Hello Friend

 

Do you ever just wake up feeling down? Today I did just that. My room was cold, the weather has been frigid and when we don’t heat during the night by morning everything is freezing. It was hard to get up today. 

As I walked to the train station I was delighted by the sparkling snow God was "sprinkling" on the earth. While waiting for the train I got the chance to examine the snowflakes that were landing on my black coat. 

They were superb, each so intricate. I was amazed at God’s design, his care to the tiniest details. Usually I don’t have the chance to examine the forms of snowflakes. Even the ones the sizes of a speck were shaped like tiny flowers, with six little “petals.” “Winter’s flowers,” I thought to myself. 

How creative God is. He could have made snow be shapeless little blobs. But instead each one is so beautifully shaped. How thorough God is, in all of his creation. 

My heart was reprimanded; surely God was also with me. I had been feeling down, and alone. But God had never left me. He was with me all the time, caring about the little details of my life, if I would just see him. God who has designed the snowflakes, and given shape and beauty to ones barely visible, he also cares immensely for me and the events of my life. Thank God for his lessons that he is always teaching us.