Sparks seem to continually fly from me of late.
I feel my New Year's desires of being a better Mom, and a more patient person lie like strewn clothes about the house I inhabit.
The dog escaped again, twice. How that irritates me- like wicked crumbs under ones skin.
I can't take the noise.
Everything seems to easily annoy me.
I am sick of me; sick of being so dark inside.
Yet, when I crawl to my Father. Feeling dirty and grimy from having been impatient. Feeling ever so wretched in my self-inflicted wounds of expecting too much and failing too often- I find relief.
This Father of mine who promised to make the dirty clean. Who takes my sad and naughty heart and washes it clean. With His tender hand as gentle as any mother washing her child's face. This Father, rights my fallen steps, and like a Daddy reaching his hand out to his toddler toppled over sets me right again.
So I carry on- washed clean. Given a new chance to walk.
As I look over my day I see how my outbursts set the course of my family temperature. When I stomp about in anger over a dog who has once again escaped- vowing that this is the last straw and that she must be sold. My children copy me; they too say how they don't like our dog- she is naughty, chews toys, etc.
I stop and watch.
I get alone with my Father. I get that cleaning up I so badly needed- that heart wash that reminds me that this life isn't about the me or these silly little nothings (like dogs escaping and unfinished homework) ; but that it is about HIM.
Then I come back. I peep into what my children are doing and saying and I see joy pouring out of them. I see how they are glad because of the little things. I see how the peace my husband seeps and my tender and silly goodnight makes them glow and giggle.
I realize that we Mamas have a power over our families, much like that of an enchantress. We guide them to good or to evil. We make the sun shine or the storms rage. Our families look to us- they copy us.
Our values become their foundation.
Our words become their backbone.
Our prayers become their salvation.
You, dear Mommy, no matter how much you fail like me, you are precious! You are needed! You are irreplaceable! I know there are days we would like to vanish. Being a Mommy is hard, ever so hard. But we can do this! Not alone, but with that dear Father. Trust Him today!