Here I am 14 weeks pregnant, yet unsure how and where I want to have my baby. I am not a first time Mom- rather I have already had two home births. These were births assisted by a wonderful midwife, births that took place in our own bedroom.
Never have I wanted the interference of medicine in my life and the more I prepared and read about birth the more sure I was that the best birth for a healthy Mom is one where there is no interference. This means no painkillers, no rushing to be induced. No hurrying of a process that God made me, a woman for. I have read countless books on birth, home birth and preparation for birth and am 100% sure that natural birth is the best option for baby and Mom when both are healthy.
So then, what keeps me from being sure I want to have my next baby at home? I am not exactly sure. But I think it has something to do with my "fear" of pain during labor, especially during the pushing stage. During my second labor I knew what to expect and could handle the contractions just fine by rocking, groaning, swaying, leaning on my husband or the sink, etc. There were even times I needed to move things along because I wanted more steady contractions and then I climbed the stairs. But when the time came to push and my baby was on her way out I felt like I was dying of pain. I screamed, I groaned, I cried "Lord, have mercy." And of course my baby entered this world and all was "forgotten" making it all worthwhile.
But that pain is not forgotten and because of my fear of pain I even asked God for twins so that I can have more children with less pain.
But there is another thing that rankles my spirit and makes me wonder. . . how is it that some women know virtually no pain when giving birth? A dear friend of mine just had her fourth baby at home and when we discuss birth and I ask her if it hurt she always says, "No." How can this be? Does she have a higher pain tolerance? Or has she learned to "let" her body give birth while I fight my body, trying to control even this uncontrollable event.
So as I prepare for birth in the next weeks and months and work through my feelings, experience and desires I will perhaps share a bit with you.