Sunday, December 16, 2012

Coping with Life

As the whole world reels at the murders of innocent children I find myself in a black hole of emptiness, sadness and hopelessness. 

Every event I attend, ever gift I spend looking for in a public place is accompanied by a wariness- and an expectation of dread. 

As would be joyful songs blast around me I find myself spirit anywhere but full of joy this season. 

As I put my children to bed, and caress the face of my baby tears stream down my face. I ache with every mother who lost a child and the nightmares that haunt her every breath as she sees her child'd last day in her mind. 

I fight disgust in the pit of my stomach over the evil in our world and the depravity that allows people to do acts of terror. 

I fear for the future of myself and my family- never knowing what may face our next day. But my fear is not of death, for I fear not to meet my life Giver face to face. 

What do I fear then, I ask myself? The fear of the unknown? The fear of not knowing who would raise my children? The fear of not knowing who they will become?

And somewhere in all my whirling emotions I have this strange feeling that perhaps it is better to escape this life while young and still innocent. At least if my children died young I would know they ended up in heaven and I would see them there. Perhaps that sounds morbid, and I don't mean it that way. It is just sometimes I so fear the evils of this world and how I can possibly raise godly children in it. I am sometimes so dragged down by the darkness that I fail to see that I have the Light walking with me and all I need to do is let Him again shine brightly into this dark hole call I life in and give me peace in all this mess. 

I don't need to know where I am going in this dark life I cannot understand. I only need to trust that He is leading and trust that He will carry me through every nightmare I might face. 

Oh Lord, 
help us this day to find our hope in you! 
Be with every family in sorrow this day!

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