One Choice can alter the World.

This morning I was taking my son to school- we left in a timely manner and I anticipated arriving on time. I hate being late.

But someone elses choice effected the lives of all our city today.

Driving through our town requires crossing train tracks in one of two locations. Our planned route was blocked by policemen by the tracks and completed blocked with cones. I have never seen this sort of barricade in the 10 years I have lived here.

So every car heading into the center was rerouted to cross the other tracks- which resulted in very slow driving and everyone being late for something. A normal 5 minute drive (with no waiting for trains) ended up taking 30-40 min.

I dropped my son off late and headed back towards home. Because one crossing was still closed everyone was trying to get through the only open crossing- thus making for lines that were extremely backed up and with the delayed train schedule we were stopped due to crossing trains and slow traffic for another 30 min.

I was glad to reach home after the usually 10 minute journey taking me an hour and wondering what had occurred at the train tracks to have backed up an entire city all morning.

I later learned from the news that 2 women were seriously injured when having ignored the flashing lights and signal they crossed the train tracks. Their car was struck and pushed 400 metres before the train stopped.

How sad!

How sad that a seemingly small choice would cause such pain for those involved and their families and without their even knowing it they would cause frustration, rush, delay and annoyance to an entire city in the morning rush.

How often we fail to consider the results of our choices and worry more about the moment.

Jesus, be with these ladies injured so severely. 

Help us walk in wisdom today- not knowing the repercussions are decision may have on today and eternity.

Faith and Life

Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see. 

Hebrew 11:1 NLT

It has been a hard morning.

My 6 year old boy is so hard to inspire to study. He has homework to do for kindergarten, and cannot get through it withoutt numerous reminders to get on track and focus. I feel frustrated. I feel a failure as a teacher and Mom. I feel I cannot do this and how can I possibly consider homes school when this day has been such a struggle.

It isn't like this everyday. But I hold this up so close and so near that it blocks the light of hope from shining through to my soul.

Yesterday I listened to a great program on Focus on the Family for Moms

I was encouraged and blessed and liked the idea of Bad Mom's Club (listen to the program to know what I am talking about :)

Yet being a Mom is hard. Surviving the store with 3 kids is hard. Doing homework with kids is hard. Homeschool I am sure is hard. But everything is hard to an extent, right? That doesn't mean it isn't worth it.

And so today as I shared with a friend that I was having  hard time and she encouraged me. And as I ran to God time and again, twice with tears running down my face for patience and wisdom; He spoke to me from His word with above passage which I will paraphrase now in my words.

Faith is knowing that what you hope for your kids will actually happen (knowing they will grow up to be godly people, and will be smart, and kind and survive theird education); Faith gives us assurance and hope for things we cannot now see. 

Faith and God together will succeed! 

.

Choosing Films

 

When it comes to films for us or our kids I like to be careful what I spend my time, thoughts and attention on. Some may think what we watch doesn't influence us, but I strongly believe it does. Growing up I saw firsthand that what I watched would also influence my dreams- and so i am very careful with what I show my kids. 

But how can we know about a film before we watch it you may wonder? Do your research. Very rarely do I watch a film without having first read about it. I read the reviews and especially the parental reviews on this site.  http://www.imdb.com/ You simply look up the name of the film and then scroll down to the Parents Guide section. Here you can usually find a detailed list of the stuff in the film. From this I decide whether the film is something I want to spend my time watching or not. 

Another good source of reviews is Plugged In which has reviews on new films. 

As for choosing films for my kids I try not to show them anything I have not already seen or know to be good. 

How about you, how do you choose which movies you will watch or won't? 

Do you think what you watch influences you, why or why not? 

What is your favorite movie? I love getting suggestions on good ones to see :)

 

A Crazy, Rainy Day

I've a wedding cake to make later in the week, and with that in mind I took my 3 kids, the puppy and my niece on a quick supplies trip to the city.

But our muffler was getting louder and one bump was enough to knock it free and dragging. Thankfully we were close enough to my final stop that I got there and went in to get my supplies. I called my husband for ideas of what to do. . .

When checking out I asked the cashier if one of the men who worked there was handy with cars and would be able to tie my muffler up so that I could get home. She sent me two guys and in the RAIN that got down and had a look. Then they drove up with their forklift to lift the car enough that they could get underneath it.

The kids were waiting patiently all the time in the car and I was so thankful when the guys were able to secure the muffler with some wire. They both also refused the money I offered them for their help. I thanked them profusely for being so helpful so I could drive home. And told my son that that is the way men need to help those in need- not expecting anything in return.

Then began the seemingly long drive home with a VERY loud car- and me avoiding the gas as much as humanly possible in order to drive oneself forward. It was a long, embarrassing drive since my car was as loud as a race car. and my son was sure everyone was scared by us since they seemed to be all driving around us ( I was just driving slowly to avoid the gas). :)

Thank God for:
-sending us men to help.
-that it broke in place not far from our destination.
-that we got home ok.
-for HIS goodness to us.

When a loved one hurts

My heart hurts for someone so dear to me.

I had no idea of the pain she was going through. No idea of the difficulties.

I feel stunned.

I feel confused.

I feel disappointed.

I don't understand why evil corrupts so. I like to believe in a better world. Yet the darkness seems so strong at times.

In all of this I know that God is victor. I know that HE is in charge. I know that HE will overcome.

These past days have been strange times.

Full of shocking stories and strange happenings.

I find my rest in Him!

Psalm 121

A song of ascents.

¹ I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
    where does my help come from?
² My help comes from the Lord,
    the Maker of heaven and earth.

³ He will not let your foot slip—
    he who watches over you will not slumber;
⁴ indeed, he who watches over Israel
    will neither slumber nor sleep.

⁵ The Lord watches over you—
    the Lord is your shade at your right hand;
⁶ the sun will not harm you by day,
    nor the moon by night.

⁷ The Lord will keep you from all harm—
    he will watch over your life;
⁸ the Lord will watch over your coming and going
    both now and forevermore.

Outsider

If you have left your homeland and now dwell in a new land perhaps you have often encountered feeling like the outsider.

We learn, we grown, we do our very best to "fit in". And yet then again comes one of the stupid moments when the whole charade comes tumbling down and again you rise above all the locals as the outsider.

I have now lived in this land 8 years. I like to think that being half Latvian makes it easier for me to "fit in". . . But who knows if that is true.

I like this land, most of the time. I like these folks and their country, after all I do have roots here.

But you know, there are some things I really do like about America too.

I miss friendly cashiers- as weird as it may sound. And every time I go to the States I am tickled pink by how friendly cashiers sometimes are- even to the point it makes me laugh wondering how genuine or fake they are. Or perhaps it just how uncommon they seem after the quiet ones here.

I miss feeling "normal."- I have never been one that fits in, even in the States. But at least there I more or less fit in. Here when people find out I was home-schooled they look at me like I must have grown up and been educated on some alien planet.

I miss fast food choices-that is not to say I was ever a big fast food eater. But we don't even have a single fast food place in the city I live in. And now and again I sure would love a slice of Pizza Hut pizza or a taco from Taco Bell.

I miss hearing English- I realized recently that I can say the exact same thing in English as I told someone in Latvian. But only when I hear myself say it in MY language do I really hear (as in my heart feels and understands) what I am saying. I so miss going to an English speaking church- and actually hearing the sermons. I understand Latvian fine, but between trying to keep kids quiet and all the distractions one normally has I don't seem to really hear much of a sermon- or it goes in one ear and out the other.

I miss family- By far the thing hardest about living an ocean from your family is the fact that you rarely meet. Keeping close is hard work and holidays are sad when you can't be together. If you are close enough to give your loved ones a hug- then DO IT!

But then there are those things I love about this place.

I love that all health care for my kids is free.

I love that it is more normal to eat healthy here and finding local products is not difficult and not pricey.

I love that my kids speak 2 languages fluently.

I love that having a vegetable garden is normal :) (When we visited my parents last time in the States we walked all over the city and saw only one garden. We were shocked). 

I am proud that I can carry on the Latvian line in my family.

I am thankful that I now have dual citizenship (As of the last couple weeks).

I  am blessed to be a part of two worlds.

This World Groans

Yesterday evening we had just finished our supper and were discussing our evening plans. I needed to go to the store and my husband wanted to do some welding in the basement. So I took the 3 kids and got them all bundled up, and got in the car.

I had backed out and was closing the gate when all of a sudden I was flooded with a wave of fear that seemed to shake through me like an earthquake. I remember thinking, "What if there is an earthquake and I am stuck away from my husband and home with 3 kids ages 5 and under? Maybe I should just stay home." But I let God remind me that I cannot live in fear and headed out. It was apx. 18:00.

Just now I went online and was shocked by the news that in Riga, not more than 30 miles away, the roof of a store- (the same chain I went to here with my kids- ) had collapsed, at 18:00 yesterday evening. At least 30 are dead, and the search is still on through the debris of a fallen roof.

I sit here in grateful tears- that God chose to protect our little family and bring us safely together again. And yet my heart aches in the pain of those lost and families broken in this tired, groaning and broken world.

Jesus, we need you more, now than ever! 

Read Here

Playing the Piano

With my children tucked in their beds I sat down to let my fingers fly across the keys of our piano. I breathed a sign of relief at finally having an uninterrupted 30 minutes to just play, and cringed realizing how very out of practice I am.

Yet joy filled my heart with thankfulness for the truth that my fingers do remember this keyboard and that these notes once learned so long ago shall never be forgotten.

Music:  soft, caressing, stress-relieving, loud, fun, and every other emotion known to man can so well be aired and relieved through this gift God allows us to enjoy.

How thankful I am for the 16 years of private piano lessons my parents paid for. Imagine the investment my parents paid for all those lessons. Wow! Thank you Mom and Dad.

And even though with my little ones around me I don't often get to play now since they like to join me and my 18 mos. old wants to bang on it and then I quickly grow frustrated and close it up. Yet I am so thankful knowing that I CAN play the piano and when again I do have time to sit down and play that it will come back to me.

Living numerous places growing up I had a LOT of different piano teachers and a lot of different methods taught me.

I remember being praised for having perfect pitch when I was no more than 6 or 7.  I remember having to memorize 10 short pieces for a jury and forgetting EVERY one of them in the stress of the moment. (Since then I could never perform by memory successfully). I remember the big Dalmatian of my teacher's that used to lay on my feet or the peddles during lessons.

I was a lazy student as a kid, but am thankful my parents made me stick to it. Because I did learn, even if I didn't practice much, which changed later when I got older and even more in college.

How I loved accompanying my sister while she sang and I played. How I loved played Christmas carols and hymns at the nursing home. How I loved having this knowledge and this gift to relieve my stress as I poured out my pain over a broken heart into those understanding keys.

Playing an instrument is something that speaks to ones soul, and something with which we can bring glory and praise to our LORD.

How I hope that my children will learn to love music and enjoy it and value it in the future as I have.

Say thanks to your parents today if they paid for years of lessons for you too!

A Good Baby Sitter

If you have ever had a good babysitter, nanny or whatever you want to call her, then you know how dear she is.

For the last 3 years we have been blessed with a babysitter that has been a part of our family. She started coming when our middle child was 6 months old, and has grown with us, loved with us, and perhaps even cried with us.

And now as the time comes for her to leave us I realize that it is very unlikely that we will ever find anyone who can replace her.

I know that there are good babysitters,but I want someone who will pray with my kids, and talk to them about Jesus. I want someone who does crafts with them, like painting- cause Mom avoids the painting because of the mess. I want someone who is never to grown up to play with my kids.  And someone who loves them for who they are, and doesn't belittle them.

Our dearest nanny/sitter has done all of this and more.

As I face the fact that this extra pair of hands and an extra heart in the lives of my kids is going to be snatched away I could just cry. We live an ocean away from any grandparents, or close relatives. We have no free babysitters/grandparents and we are pretty much all on our own in the way of help.

I can't even begin to express how thankful we have been for the nanny God blessed us with these last years. She has blessed our marriage by letting us have times to go on dates and even celebrate our 5th wedding anniversary in Rome.

She has improved the Latvian of my kids by talking to them and playing with them, and reading them TONS of books.

She has helped them grow in character by enforcing rules and being an example of Jesus to them.

Thank you our dearest nanny for being a second mom/grandma/aunt to our kids these last 3 years :)

We will miss you more than you ever know.

Mom vs. Kid and Chocolate

 

These are the chocolates sometimes made in our house. 

 Mom eats them like this: 

• takes it. 
• eats it
• thinks, "I shouldn't have eaten that, I don't want to get fat."
• feels- guilty

Child eats it like this: 

• gets permission to eat ONE after having finished food. 
• bites top off, revealing filling. 
• thinks, "Wow, what is the white stuff inside?"
• asks Mom, "Hey, what's in this?!"
• Mom answers. 
• says, "HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM. That is so yummy."
• thinks, "Can I have another one?!"
• feels- happy

 How do you enjoy your sweets,? 

I think I had a sweet reminder today :)

Whiny Kids- HELP

My kids are 5, 3 and 1. And let me tell you, we have been going through some major whining lately.

Their whining voices have the effect on my nerves of someone pulling fingernails across a chalkboard. Bad, I know!

These whiny meltdowns seem to happen especially often at meal times, when everyone thinks that what they are being offered to eat isn't what they really want. Or when the other kid has the book the other needs RIGHT now. Or it is time to go to bed, etc.

I have tried saying, "I can't hear you when you talk like that. Use a happy voice." I have tried saying, "Ask nicely." These sometimes work, but rarely.

Our three old's newest trick is saying at meal times,
"I can't eat" (She wants us to feed her. But I am feeding our one year old while trying to eat).
I say, "Ok, if you don't want to eat you can go play." 
She says, "No, I want to eat." I
say, "Good, then eat." 
She says in her most whiny voice, "I caaaan't."

What are your tips for dealing with whiny kids?

My hope is that this is the tail end of their illness over the last weeks and that with the return of better healthy they will also be less whiny and more optimistic.

Severe Eczema

My 2 year old has suffered from eczema, or severe atopic dermatitis for the last year or so. The severity of it comes and goes, but right now it is worse than ever before. Her poor little hand, arms, and wrists are sore and red.

We have been to dermatologists and allergy doctors. Even the patch tests with various foods were all negative- thus proving she has no food allergies.

We have used all kinds of ointments, oils, lotions, etc.

But NOTHING is working.

Her hands are so raw, I put socks on them at night to keep her from scratching.

I feel like we are tumbling hopelessly in a spiral of irritated skin, endless lakes of ointments and doctors. I know not where to turn next, different doctors, different ointments. . .

Every doctor says the cause cannot be precisely pinned.

What am I to do? My poor sweet little daughter?!

Yet, I hope in God, and believe He will bring healing in some form.

And in the midst of confusion as a Mom and hopeless feelings of despair. Wishing I could crawl into the laps of my own parents and hide my head from the world of trying to make choices and decisions I don't understand, I know that God IS good.

And so I give thanks:

• my daughter is happy, when her hands aren't bothering her. 
• my kids play nicely together
• spring is in coming, and sunshine is in abundance.
• for uplifting music to encourage. 
• for friends and prayers

Pleasure

Pleasure is the compliment of a job well done,

the joy in the creation or sharing of a talent, 

the satisfaction in a glimpse or word of praise for something I created with love. 

Pleasure is the softness of a baby soft cheek next to mine, 

two soft sweet hands, 

and the heavenly aroma of a dear sweet babe. 

Pleasure is the pride and glow of a word first recognized, 

a word formed with faltering hand, 

and the accomplishment in knowing I was the teacher of my sweet child. 

Pleasure is the calm of a beautiful day, 

the warmth of the first rays of spring sunshine,  

and the scent of a damp earth welcoming the new life of spring. 

Pleasure is the contentment of a long evening, 

listening to the stories and songs of little voices, 

bound with love in the security of family. 

Pleasure is the nearness of ones we love, 

the warmth of a long embrace, 

and the kiss given in love. 

Pleasure is the security of future, 

the promise of hope, life and nearness, 

in the arms and home of the Living God.

Pleasure

Me and Chocolate

I have this love of chocolate. I have written about it before and have been seeking to tame it. In the process I have learned a thing or two.

Eating vs. Savoring

• Eating: For those who love chocolate you know what it is like to have a chocolate craving when one can devour a whole dark chocolate bar with hazelnuts all by yourself with no problem. Or maybe it is the Snickers you sneak into your groceries at the store and eat before reaching home. Eating chocolate entails trying to satisfy oneself with the quantity of chocolate consumed and the mere feelings and rush of the moment. . 
• Savoring: When you are on a diet and are being strict about sugar and chocolate intake eating chocolate is absolutely out of the question. This is where savoring chocolate comes in . . . Try taking one small square of chocolate and letting it melt in your mouth. Enjoy the flavor, the consistency, the pleasure of the taste. When savored and enjoyed to the full one small square really IS enough to satisfy even the most worst chocolate addict. Only when truly savored do we get to enjoy chocolate to the fullest. Not to mention the feeling of pleasure knowing we haven't just succumbed to an unhealthy chocolate rush. But  have rather enjoyed the true flavor we so admire, and are able to leave it at that. . 

How about you, how do you enjoy chocolate and deal with your chocolate addiction? !

The Little Things

Sometimes is is something as small as iceberg lettuce which can make a person feel American in another country. 

Made some yummy salads with this and green leaf lettuce- my preferred lettuce :)

Tuesdays

I love Tuesdays, can you guess why? 

Tuesdays are my day out. 

Our wonderful baby sitter comes and I go out. 

I go to the post office most weeks. 

I wait in line, sometimes a very long line. 

I mail packages to far off friends and far away lands. 

And sometimes, like today I even get a package myself. 

Sometimes they have surprises, and conversation hearts :) 

I like Tuesdays. 

I get to go shopping- grocery shopping that is! 

I like planning our meals and looking for deals. 

I run more errands if there are more. 

I sit, I think, I rest and write. 

I have time for me. 

I like Tuesdays. 

I come home and chat with our dear sweet nanny. 

I hear my kids laugh. 

I plan their supper. 

I like Tuesdays. 

My husband comes home and changes his clothes. 

Then off we go on our date night. 

We go to a cafe or restaurant. 

We laugh, we talk, we dream, we smile. 

We have time just to sit and listen to one another without the interruptions of little ones. 

I like Tuesdays because they are our special days. A day of rest for Mom and a day for a date or US. 

Thank God for Tuesdays!

Mask Ball

The days leading up to my husband's huge work party were full of fun experiments making masks. I got some great ideas online on how to make masks. And made about 10 in the process because I started having so much fun experimenting. The kids loved having masks of their own too. 

We had a wonderful evening in our disguises- and I was pleased my husband agreed to wear the hat. He was rather skeptical on that one. But his colleagues didn't even recognize him in this get-up and he lots lots of compliments. 

Having never been to a mask ball it was an interesting experience- I have no idea what they are normally like. But we had fun on our evening out as a couple- and that is what counts, right?! We even got to put to practice our dance steps we had learned this Fall in our dance lessons.

Have you ever made a mask for a mask ball? I would love to see photos! 

My Haven

Since arriving home a week ago the weather has continually been overcast, dreary and damp. 

I had forgotten how very depressing winter can be in Latvia. Somehow the sunshine of a Nebraskan winter led me to believe that it wouldn't be much different here. 

The dark, and the sickness at home has made me very sleepy. I have been taking 1-2 naps a day and went to bed at 8 p.m. last night. Thankfully, we seem to be getting slightly better- though today D is throwing up every time he eats anything. At least he does not have a high fever so far today. 

I keep wishing I could hibernate until spring, and only come out again when the sun decides to shine again here. 

But since that is impossible than I feel I would like nothing better than to stay tucked away in my little haven of home. Warm, and dry in our little pool of light and joy. I want to keep barred away all illness and fear. I want to bask in the sunshine of the smiles of my children and the favor of my God and the love of my husband.  

 

Coping with Life

As the whole world reels at the murders of innocent children I find myself in a black hole of emptiness, sadness and hopelessness. 

Every event I attend, ever gift I spend looking for in a public place is accompanied by a wariness- and an expectation of dread. 

As would be joyful songs blast around me I find myself spirit anywhere but full of joy this season. 

As I put my children to bed, and caress the face of my baby tears stream down my face. I ache with every mother who lost a child and the nightmares that haunt her every breath as she sees her child'd last day in her mind. 

I fight disgust in the pit of my stomach over the evil in our world and the depravity that allows people to do acts of terror. 

I fear for the future of myself and my family- never knowing what may face our next day. But my fear is not of death, for I fear not to meet my life Giver face to face. 

What do I fear then, I ask myself? The fear of the unknown? The fear of not knowing who would raise my children? The fear of not knowing who they will become?

And somewhere in all my whirling emotions I have this strange feeling that perhaps it is better to escape this life while young and still innocent. At least if my children died young I would know they ended up in heaven and I would see them there. Perhaps that sounds morbid, and I don't mean it that way. It is just sometimes I so fear the evils of this world and how I can possibly raise godly children in it. I am sometimes so dragged down by the darkness that I fail to see that I have the Light walking with me and all I need to do is let Him again shine brightly into this dark hole call I life in and give me peace in all this mess. 

I don't need to know where I am going in this dark life I cannot understand. I only need to trust that He is leading and trust that He will carry me through every nightmare I might face. 

Oh Lord, 

help us this day to find our hope in you! 

Be with every family in sorrow this day!

 Amen

My Purpose

Sometimes we tend to shortchange what we do. As if the job we work isn't the best it could be, as if the place we study isn't the best, as if the clothes we wear aren't the ones we wish they were, as if, as if, as if. As if we were and are never good enough. You have been there, right?

Somehow I had come to the place where I felt as if I needed to be doing more, or working and not just "staying" at home. As if being a mom of three kids ages 4 and under meant I wasn't doing enough. I was dissatisfied. I was confused. I was discontent. Have you been there?

But today I realized I have accepted my life, my calling, my purpose. Right now my best job is raising my children. Right now my best teaching position is teaching my four year old and two year old preschool. Right now I am EXACTLY where I need to be.

As as this realization sunk in I felt at peace. For I realized that somehow peace had come and worked its way into the cracks of discontent in my heart and showed me a greater purpose. I realized I had set aside the expectations of others in my life and in this culture. I realized that somehow God has brought understanding to my heart as to the more important things in life.

And every day as I teach my 4 year old with our preschool materials and see him learning sounds, letters and numbers I smile. Everyday as he sounds at new words and his shaky little hand becomes more steady in forming letters and numbers I realize I am laying a foundation. Right now I have no higher purpose than that of teaching my children to love and know their Creator, and to learn to live in this world. Right now I find my greatest joys in seeing them learn to speak, write and understand our great English language. Right now I laugh with joy as I see them learn songs, rhymes and games and know that no one else can do this job as well as me.

This is my purpose.