Faith and Fear

Lately I  have found myself confronted with more fears than I normally face. Fears of the end of the world as I know it. Fears of microchips and end times and pain and suffering.

Then there was a terrible accident at an intersection not far from our home.. The police and ambulance had the scene blocked off for at least 4 hours, an ambulance blocked the road where we normally drive out to get on the highway.

I found myself gripped with fear as I rose to a new day, I was supposed to go on a day long date with my husband. We had fun plans in mind, it should have been something to look forward. But it was snowing and I feared leaving my house and our babysitter and our three munchkins. I feared something would happen on the road. I was very tempted to stay home and not step foot out of my home. Fear has a paralyzing effect.

But I prayed, I believed, I went.

Of course we had a special day together running errands, eating  lunch out and going to a museum.

In the evening we had our girl's Bible study at our home. We had our first guest, a lady of faith from our church who does lots of ministry with the poor.  She had felt God's leading to talk about faith. As she shared how faith looks in her life and the stories of God's faithfulness and provision, I was touched.

Here is a woman facing real life problems daily. She helps the poor, the fatherless, the widows, the alcoholics, and people in all kinds of situations. She has no fear, and walks by faith. She clearly reminded us fear is not of God!

I was moved when she talked about the position we are to have as obedient and submissive wives. I was challenged by the thoughts on our not being able to change our situations anyhow- so why do we worry and fret. We need only trust God and walk by faith. He is in charge and fully capable of caring for us in EVERY way.

And as I laid down to go to bed, I again laid down my worries at the feet of my Father in  Heaven- knowing that He will care for me, my children and my family and loved ones in every single circumstance. He is worthy. He is faithful and all I need to do is trust  Him!

What If ? 3 Steps to Face YOUR Fears

In this dark and scary world I find myself at times overwhelmed with, "What ifs?"

I was shocked and saddened with the world at the deaths in Colorado- in a seemingly safe place- a theatre. 

I woke early the next morning with scary dreams of being chased down and trying to keep my children quiet in hiding, an impossible task with toddlers. I found myself gripped with fear and a million what ifs? 

• What if my son were to grow up to commit such a crime? 
• What if I am not raising my children properly? 
• What if we go somewhere and get shot today? 
• What if the forest is full of hidden gun men?(as we were out gathering mushrooms)

Every what if squeezed joy and life from my frame. 

But then I remembered what I had read just the day before in the book that God has placed in my life just when I need it most. "Calm My Anxious Heart" by Linda Dillow. I had just read a chapter on facing the what ifs in our lives.

She had shared what one young man had done to face his fears and his what ifs in three steps: (pg. 163-Calm my Anxious Heart)

1. Ask yourself what is the worst that can possibly happen? 
2. Prepare to accept it if you have to.
3. Then calmly proceed to improve on the worst.

The truth is that worrying never improves anything. The truth is that there is One greater than all my worries and He is the only one capable of changing anything. When I worry I am not trusting Him. 

Thinking within the perspective of those 3 steps guides me to be the person I ought to be today. 

My worst fear and greatest WHAT IF in raising my children would be for them to turn their backs on their Creator and for them to commit some hideous crime like the one in Aurora. 

However, I cannot know what their future holds. I could raise them perfectly in every way and pray for them night and day-BUT I cannot control them or force them to have a personal relationship with Jesus. It has to be their choice-their transformation. The truth remains that I must accept the decisions they will make- while guiding them now in a straight path. 

That is the conclusion- I MUST be present in their lives, loving on them, praying for them, training and guiding them to be the people they will become and in doing all this I am doing ALL that I can to prevent and improve upon the worst. 

Clay Pregnancy Art

In the book I am reading, "Birthing from Within" there are a lot of assignments on birth art and preparing for birth by exploring ones hidden feelings through art.
I have really enjoyed the assignments in both drawing and creating with clay.

The drawing ideas were those such as:
1. How I see myself as a pregnant woman.
2. How do I envison birth.
3. My fantasy for this birth.

When I got to the clay assignment I was a bit more skeptical because I had never worked with clay. I chose white clay and followed the directions of trying to see what my hands would create and not forcing something.

I like what I came up with and hope that these will remind me to be open during birth.

This woman is big- just like I feel and she is shaped like a bell. The bottom is empty and I would like very much if I could turn this into a bell. But am not experienced enough to know how. I like the idea of being open like a bell and giving off a beautiful sound to the world through my birth. A bell is something that is loud, strong and open. I need to be open and strong during birth so I can let this 3rd baby out without the pain I experience during my first two labors. 

Many women talking of opening like a flower to let their baby out. I like that analogy and wish I could see birth so peacefully and beautifully. I wanted something visual to help me with this and so created this baby being born of a flower.

Have you ever done any pregnancy art? What helped you during birth?

Water Births

As I muddle through where I want to have this third baby I keep running into the idea of water birth. My midwife is for water births. She told me a neat story that babies born in water "swim" the length of the tub and their umbilical cord. She said while a baby's skin has not been reached by air it will not breath but will continue to use the oxygen from the cord.

Yesterday the leading midwife in Latvia with water birth experience was on the radio and I just finished listening to the program. It was fascinating and makes me want to try. She said it is easier on the baby to be born in water. My midwife says the same and especially for big babies- she is promising me a big baby this time.

I have been reading about the topic and found this site helpful, here is a section of benefits copied from their page.

What are the potential benefits of water birth?

Benefits for Mother:

• Water is soothing, comforting, relaxing.
• In the later stages of labor, the water seems to increase the woman’s energy.
• The buoyancy lessens her body weight, allows free movement and new positioning.
• Buoyancy promotes more efficient uterine contractions and better blood circulation, resulting in better oxygenation of the uterine muscles, less pain for the mother, and more oxygen for the baby.
• Immersion in water often helps lower high blood pressure caused by anxiety.
• Water seems to alleviate stress-related hormones, allowing the mother’s body to produce endorphins, which are pain-inhibitors.
• Water causes the perineum to become more elastic and relaxed, which reduces the incidence and severity of tearing and the need for an episiotomy and stitches.
• As the laboring women relaxes physically she is able to relax mentally, concentrating her efforts inward on the birth process.
• The water provides a sense of privacy, which releases inhibitions, anxiety, and fears.

Benefits for Baby:

• Provides a similar environment as the amniotic sac.
• Eases the stress of the birth, providing reassurance and security.

 
 
A couple of my friends have also had their babies in water and are all for it. I guess my biggest fears/concerns are:

• Privacy- I think I would feel too exposed in the water. 
• Comfort- With my births at home I have gone in the tub and didn't like it during my contractions. But the tub is small at home and I didn't have freedom of movement. I don't know if water is my friend enough for me to enjoy a water birth.

And yet I still feel tempted to try this. I want something easier this time. What are your personal experiences? Have you had a water birth after a normal birth?

Worries about Pregnancy, Birth, Motherhood.

I am working through a book for preparation for birth. True this is not my first birth- but I want something different. I want to work through the pain and try to understand if I can birth without it as others do.

The book challenged me to write for 15 minutues about what I fear. Here are a few of those things:

1. Not knowing where I will have my baby ( With the first two I knew where I wanted to- this time I am unsure)
2. Not knowing which midwife to give birth with. (The one I had the first two with or the one I am seeing now?)
3. Tearing 
4. Being out of control during labor. 
5. Pain during the pushing stage that makes me feel I'm going to die. 
6. Health problems after birth. 
7. My kids (where will they be? How will they handle the new baby?)
8. My baby being too big (The midwife says he will be at least as big as the last. She was almost 10 lbs! )
9. Money (I want to be able to afford the kind of birth I desire). The most expensive senerio is still cheap when compared to other countries.  But not cheap for us. ($1200 max.)
10. Child Support (It looks we may not have the government support this time around since I had to leave my job)

What are your worries in regards to birth? What were they then? Did your worries come to pass?