So, you want to marry a foreigner?

Yesterday my husband and I had the chance to talk on the Christian radio and tell our story how we met and talk a bit about life, love, etc.

Before the program started we were chatting with the hosts about our unusual marriage. I am an American, and my husband is Latvian and we live here, in Latvia. Most people when given the chance would go back to the States. But when I married my husband I knew that I'd be here, forever. I accepted that and most days I am ok with it. But the truth is leaving ones country, culture and family never gets easier.

9 years ago I fell in love with man I call my husband. We are happy, we are blessed. We have 3 kids speaking 2 languages. But the fact is I would not recommend cross-cultural marriages to anyone.

Why?

1. The top reason by far is family. My family was close growing up and the distance between me and them now means my kids will never be close to their aunts and uncles and cousins in the US. That breaks my heart. Holidays are never spent together. There are no family gatherings or birthday parties. SAD. Tickets for 5 are way too expensive for us to see them often.
2. Marriage is hard with anyone. But when you throw in culture and language it gets even harder. These are things that can be worked through and do help us grow. But they they sure get in the way when it comes to understanding each other as one would like.
3. Your self identity in a foreign country- whether that be yours or your spouses' will never (maybe it will after many years) be quite as comfortable in a new country as in ones own. I have lived here 9 years. I speak the language fluently. But I am still an outsider in many ways. 

Are you married to a foreigner? What is your story? 

Outsider

If you have left your homeland and now dwell in a new land perhaps you have often encountered feeling like the outsider.

We learn, we grown, we do our very best to "fit in". And yet then again comes one of the stupid moments when the whole charade comes tumbling down and again you rise above all the locals as the outsider.

I have now lived in this land 8 years. I like to think that being half Latvian makes it easier for me to "fit in". . . But who knows if that is true.

I like this land, most of the time. I like these folks and their country, after all I do have roots here.

But you know, there are some things I really do like about America too.

I miss friendly cashiers- as weird as it may sound. And every time I go to the States I am tickled pink by how friendly cashiers sometimes are- even to the point it makes me laugh wondering how genuine or fake they are. Or perhaps it just how uncommon they seem after the quiet ones here.

I miss feeling "normal."- I have never been one that fits in, even in the States. But at least there I more or less fit in. Here when people find out I was home-schooled they look at me like I must have grown up and been educated on some alien planet.

I miss fast food choices-that is not to say I was ever a big fast food eater. But we don't even have a single fast food place in the city I live in. And now and again I sure would love a slice of Pizza Hut pizza or a taco from Taco Bell.

I miss hearing English- I realized recently that I can say the exact same thing in English as I told someone in Latvian. But only when I hear myself say it in MY language do I really hear (as in my heart feels and understands) what I am saying. I so miss going to an English speaking church- and actually hearing the sermons. I understand Latvian fine, but between trying to keep kids quiet and all the distractions one normally has I don't seem to really hear much of a sermon- or it goes in one ear and out the other.

I miss family- By far the thing hardest about living an ocean from your family is the fact that you rarely meet. Keeping close is hard work and holidays are sad when you can't be together. If you are close enough to give your loved ones a hug- then DO IT!

But then there are those things I love about this place.

I love that all health care for my kids is free.

I love that it is more normal to eat healthy here and finding local products is not difficult and not pricey.

I love that my kids speak 2 languages fluently.

I love that having a vegetable garden is normal :) (When we visited my parents last time in the States we walked all over the city and saw only one garden. We were shocked). 

I am proud that I can carry on the Latvian line in my family.

I am thankful that I now have dual citizenship (As of the last couple weeks).

I  am blessed to be a part of two worlds.

Two Worlds Married

I have been married now for nearly 7 years and these have been very good,  happy years.

When I married a Latvian man I knew I was choosing to live my life forever away from the life grew up with and was familiar with.

Yet, growing up in the States I never thought I'd live there. I studied to be a missionary. I read about missions, I longed for adventure and to see the world.

Now 7 years later I realize that missing ones country, or to be more precise ones family, culture and upbringing never goes away. In fact, if anything the distance has seemed to grow and the difficulty in having every person from my side of the family an ocean away is hard, REALLY hard, and gets only worse with time.

Marriage is a blessing, and cross-cultural marriages can be and are very rewarding. But they have an entire set of problems that 2 people marrying from one country may never face.

I want to step out on a risky limb and state that I think that if at possible a person is better off NOT marrying someone from another culture. And I don't say so because I'm unhappy. But rather as I raise my kids an ocean away from their grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins I have realized that the choices I made in allowing myself to fall in love with a European have altered the course of our family history and future.

I have thrown a loop in the plan of family and closeness by making it harder for my children to know and be close to their aunts, and uncles and cousins in America. I have created complications for my kids with the fact that one day they may have to choose which country they prefer. 

I realize that I have made my life more difficult and more sad because I have chosen to be far from the relatives I love so dearly in the States. I realize that I have made my marriage more complicated because I threw in another language, and an entirely different world view and culture.

Now, if you, like me are married to someone from another land we know that this is exciting, and wonderful, but hard.

There are days when you don't understand the tiny things in the language that are simple, but just slip over your head because maybe you are having a bad day.

There are days when you hate living in a foreign land and long for home.

There are days when  you would give anything to be in the embrace of your Mom or Dad, or Grandma who is an ocean away and who see at best every few years.

And despite all of this I am thankful for this wild adventure I'm on. Thankful for this plan God has allowed to unfold so far in my life and thankful He is still at work.

What is your cross-cultural story?