Refusing to Worry

Today my boy has his exam in violin at music school. Tomorrow his exam in theory. And here I stand- trembling in my boots.

It isn't that he can't do well or isn't prepared. He knows his pieces on the violin like the back of his hand. But he is 6, emotional, stubborn at times and prone to silliness.

And so I have been in a growing panic since I found out his exam was today and the hours have ticked slowly closer.

Why? I ask myself do I feel so worried? Would him failing or messing up mean I had failed as a Mom? Is it the pressure I felt as a child preforming for judges still gnawing away at me? And would it really be so horrible if he did play poorly or get up and get stage fright and refuse to play altogether?

I have been there, I know the embarrassment of forgetting 10 memorized pieces which had to be juried. Yet, I was older and a very conscientious child. He is 6, and doesn't seem to be fazed by embarrassment yet or failure.

Today as I had my quiet time these words came leaping off the page at me

"I offer abundant Life; your part is to trust Me, refusing to worry about anything, . . Determined to make things go your way, you forget that I am in charge of your life."

Wow, that hit me right where I needed it. I have fretted and fussed over this exam, and it isn't even my exam. Sure it is the first major exam a child of mine has ever had, and so I feel it very keenly. But God is in control of this- and I must try him.

So wish my boy luck or better yet say a prayer!

My Fluttering Heart

Yesterday my husband came home sick, he went to bed and several hours later fainted in the bathroom. I called the equivalent of 911, and he was taken to the hospital. He is still there today, having tests done and getting fluids by IV.

I realized some things as I was handed responsibility for a night, not knowing what was the matter or what to expect. My 3 small kids tucked into their beds clueless that their daddy had been whisked away. I realized how much I lean on my husband for stability.

He is so patient, strong, gentle and calm. He is like the pillars in our home, standing firm and strong. I am like a tile roof and as the our family's pillars were shaken I felt my tiles beginning to quiver and slide.

I thank God that He understands and that He is my strong foundation.

As I try to read God's word I cannot concentrate for more than a few minutes. My heart, mind and thoughts are continually flying off to be with my love.

I thank God that He understands and doesn't condemn me for my weaknesses.

I am like a butterfly swooping into to settle on the flower of truth God is extending me. And as I read in Philippians 4 to rejoice, and not be anxious my heart is calmed and I flutter on. I know that soon again I will need the nectar of truth that only He can give and will go back to His Word and He will never cease to feed my thirst after Him and His truth.