Mother Power

Sparks seem to continually fly from me of late.

I feel my New Year's desires of being a better Mom, and a more patient person lie like strewn clothes about the house I inhabit.

The dog escaped again, twice. How that irritates me- like wicked crumbs under ones skin.

I can't take the noise.

Everything seems to easily annoy me.

I am sick of me; sick of being so dark inside.

Yet, when I crawl to my Father. Feeling dirty and grimy from having been impatient. Feeling ever so wretched in my self-inflicted wounds of expecting too much and failing too often- I find relief.

This Father of mine who promised to make the dirty clean. Who takes my sad and naughty heart and washes it clean. With His tender hand as gentle as any mother washing her child's face. This Father, rights my fallen steps, and like a Daddy reaching his hand out to his toddler toppled over sets me right again.

So I carry on- washed clean. Given a new chance to walk.

As I look over my day I see how my outbursts set the course of my family temperature. When I stomp about in anger over a dog who has once again escaped- vowing that this is the last straw and that she must be sold. My children copy me; they too say how they don't like our dog- she is naughty, chews toys, etc.

I stop and watch. 

I breathe. 

I calm. 

I get alone with my Father. I get that cleaning up I so badly needed- that heart wash that reminds me that this life isn't about the me or these silly little nothings (like dogs escaping and unfinished homework) ; but that it is about HIM.

Then I come back. I peep into what my children are doing and saying and I see joy pouring out of them. I see how they are glad because of the little things. I see how the peace my husband seeps and my tender and silly goodnight makes them glow and giggle.

I wonder. 

I realize that we Mamas have a power over our families, much like that of an enchantress. We guide them to good or to evil. We make the sun shine or the storms rage. Our families look to us- they copy us.

Our values become their foundation. 

Our words become their backbone. 

Our prayers become their salvation. 

You, dear Mommy, no matter how much you fail like me, you are precious! You are needed! You are irreplaceable! I know there are days we would like to vanish. Being a Mommy is hard, ever so hard. But we can do this! Not alone, but with that dear Father. Trust Him today!

Through the Tunnel

A week has passed since I got back from my Mom-cation to living and surviving my real life.

The temp of real life is so fast, so rushed, so full. At times I feel overwhelmed by it all- yet in a positive light now.

This week I celebrated my birthday and meeting up with other friends who have infants I saw that they too are struggling and overwhelmed like I felt just 2 weeks ago before I went on my little vacation.

I have this visual picture of Moms going through this tunnel. Being a Mom and raising a child are by far the most difficult task I have ever known.

As a Mommy I know how you feel when you are sleepless, over-tired, and over-dramatic. A ticking time bomb waiting to explode with the smallest spark. A fussy toddler, a disobedient child, a word thoughtlessly spoken- each of this fuel to kindle your already raging soul-fire.

I know the guilt of feeling you ought to be a better, more patient, more organized, more healthy, more ANYTHING Mom.

I know the longing for peace- wholeness- and a healthy, harmony filled family.

I know that walking through these days of having young children seems like a dark tunnel at times. It may seem you have no time for you and your identity is disappearing into days spent doing monotonous everydays.

But YOU will survive. You will thrive. You will LIVE.

I can see that I have come through that tunnel and I had no idea how that could occur, For me the break into light was my mini vacation. For you it might be something else, but I want to encourage you to find time to be alone (or with your infant0 and sort through your emotions.

Today when I opened my Bible these words jumped out- perfectly spoken on this topic. ,

Then Jesus said, "Let's go off by ourselves to a quiet place and rest awhile."He said this because there were so many people coming and going that Jesus and his apostles didn't even have time to eat.

Mark 6:30-31 NLT

I know dear one that you might feel badly taking a few hours or days for yourself. I felt the same way, but the old saying goes, "If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy."

A quote I read the other day blessed me much, it is so true and helps keep perspective in our search for joy in life:

For most of life, nothing wonderful happens. If you don't enjoy getting up and working and finishing your work and sitting down to a meal with family or friends, then the chances are you're not going to be very happy. If someone bases his/her happiness on major events like a great job, huge amounts of money, a flawlessly happy marriage or a trip to Paris, that person isn't going to be happy much of the time. If, on the other hand, happiness depends on a good breakfast, flowers in the yard, a drink or a nap, then we are more likely to live with quite a bit of happiness."

-- Andy Rooney