So, you want to marry a foreigner?

Yesterday my husband and I had the chance to talk on the Christian radio and tell our story how we met and talk a bit about life, love, etc.

Before the program started we were chatting with the hosts about our unusual marriage. I am an American, and my husband is Latvian and we live here, in Latvia. Most people when given the chance would go back to the States. But when I married my husband I knew that I'd be here, forever. I accepted that and most days I am ok with it. But the truth is leaving ones country, culture and family never gets easier.

9 years ago I fell in love with man I call my husband. We are happy, we are blessed. We have 3 kids speaking 2 languages. But the fact is I would not recommend cross-cultural marriages to anyone.

Why?

1. The top reason by far is family. My family was close growing up and the distance between me and them now means my kids will never be close to their aunts and uncles and cousins in the US. That breaks my heart. Holidays are never spent together. There are no family gatherings or birthday parties. SAD. Tickets for 5 are way too expensive for us to see them often.
2. Marriage is hard with anyone. But when you throw in culture and language it gets even harder. These are things that can be worked through and do help us grow. But they they sure get in the way when it comes to understanding each other as one would like.
3. Your self identity in a foreign country- whether that be yours or your spouses' will never (maybe it will after many years) be quite as comfortable in a new country as in ones own. I have lived here 9 years. I speak the language fluently. But I am still an outsider in many ways. 

Are you married to a foreigner? What is your story? 

Marriage Advice #1

Hi there Friend.

If I were to have you here next to me. And we were to talk about the ups and downs of marriage. The good, bad and in between. This is what I would want to tell you that is all boils down to a lot of the time. NOT always, but often.

Don't boss your man!

Easy, right?

What about when you need him to do this and that and the other? How do you ask?

What about when you are expecting company and have a long list of things that need to be done, NOW?!

Shall we go on?

I find it true that often we women thing we know best when it comes to how to wash the baby, how to dress the kids, how to fix the meals, how to do whatever it is we do so well.

But if you start bossing your man he will turn tail and run (and do his own thing-his way), and let you do it on your own.

So dear friend- DON'T boss your man!

What do you say? What is a good piece of marriage advice you've got?

Blessings! 

7 Years

7 years ago and now a day or two past I married this man.

3 children later and we are now 5 strong! These 3 little blessings are teaching us more life lessons than we could have ever have imagined.

We have shared so many special moments over these last years.

I will never forget how we went skating when my dear friend J was in Latvia. Mr. G and I had just started getting to know each other and I still remember the music that was playing when we skated together.

Then we were married, not once, but twice, in both our countries.

Years passed.

 Memories were made. 

Babies born.

We laugh, cry, quarrel and make up.

And through ups and downs we have become a family.

Two Worlds Married

I have been married now for nearly 7 years and these have been very good,  happy years.

When I married a Latvian man I knew I was choosing to live my life forever away from the life grew up with and was familiar with.

Yet, growing up in the States I never thought I'd live there. I studied to be a missionary. I read about missions, I longed for adventure and to see the world.

Now 7 years later I realize that missing ones country, or to be more precise ones family, culture and upbringing never goes away. In fact, if anything the distance has seemed to grow and the difficulty in having every person from my side of the family an ocean away is hard, REALLY hard, and gets only worse with time.

Marriage is a blessing, and cross-cultural marriages can be and are very rewarding. But they have an entire set of problems that 2 people marrying from one country may never face.

I want to step out on a risky limb and state that I think that if at possible a person is better off NOT marrying someone from another culture. And I don't say so because I'm unhappy. But rather as I raise my kids an ocean away from their grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins I have realized that the choices I made in allowing myself to fall in love with a European have altered the course of our family history and future.

I have thrown a loop in the plan of family and closeness by making it harder for my children to know and be close to their aunts, and uncles and cousins in America. I have created complications for my kids with the fact that one day they may have to choose which country they prefer. 

I realize that I have made my life more difficult and more sad because I have chosen to be far from the relatives I love so dearly in the States. I realize that I have made my marriage more complicated because I threw in another language, and an entirely different world view and culture.

Now, if you, like me are married to someone from another land we know that this is exciting, and wonderful, but hard.

There are days when you don't understand the tiny things in the language that are simple, but just slip over your head because maybe you are having a bad day.

There are days when you hate living in a foreign land and long for home.

There are days when  you would give anything to be in the embrace of your Mom or Dad, or Grandma who is an ocean away and who see at best every few years.

And despite all of this I am thankful for this wild adventure I'm on. Thankful for this plan God has allowed to unfold so far in my life and thankful He is still at work.

What is your cross-cultural story? 

Devotions Together!

Six years of married life my husband and I have sought for way to study God's word together. We have stumbled over each wanting to read in our language. We have read aloud in Latvian and sometimes in English. We have tried a daily devotional and every time we have given up after a short while. Always going back to reading alone and only praying together.

I had been in search of something that would guide us to study the Bible together and not just read a devotional. Devotionals are good for some- but they leave me wanting more of God's word.

At long last we have a found a solution for us! A Bible intended for couples!

I found this Bible while home for the holidays. I almost didn't buy it because of the high price, and my gift certificate being just too small to cover the large sum.

BUT I reasoned with myself that if we would finally start to read together it would be worth every penny!

This has definitely been worth the price. Things I love about this study Bible:

1. It doesn't use dates, but only days of the week. So if we get behind we don't get stressed. 
2. It has passages that are manageable in length so we we have time to read and discuss. 
3. The questions get us talking on topics we normally don't discuss. 
4. The stories are actual for married couples. 
5. The weekend special assignments with fun ideas for dates. 

I could go on and on about how much I love this Bible.

As a cross-cultural couple we are able to each read the passage quietly in our native language. Then I translate the questions for my husband and the story as well.

If you want to get this cheaper buy it online- and not in a bookstore. I could have saved at least $15.00 that way.

Don't Lead Your Man

Interesting how our hidden tendencies to lead, boss and command come out on the dance floor. 

I consider myself a wife who lets my husband be the man in the house and be the boss. But as we learn to dance together it is becoming apparent that I like to try to lead and rush my husband forward and hurry him along at MY pace. 

If your men think  you are a bit too domineering they ought to take you dancing. It is a fun way to led him lead and reexamine your positions at home and on the dance floor. 

There cannot be two leaders in a dance- the beauty of the dance is in submitting to the lead of your man and letting him guide you, swing you and twirl you across the floor. Could it not be the same in our lives? 

Our Love Story

In October of 2004, I was in need of a refuge, a place to recover from a broken heart and a place to forget old haunts of romance. 

I came to Latvia for one month to see old friends (another story) and teach English to the youth in one church. 

During that month the youth leader drove me home some evenings and we chatted in our broken English and Latvian. 

I went home and he stayed in my memory- he had struck me as handsome. 

A year later (in August) I returned to Latvia to continue teaching English to the youth and adults of Ogre.

That same youth leader signed up for private English lessons. He contined to drive me home some evenings and invite me to do things with the youth. 

In October he invited me to go on a walk. It was a cold, wet day. We walked for about 4 hours- all over Ogre. Towards the end of our walk when we were in the only park in Ogre he told me he wanted to date me with the goal that someday we would be a family. 

I know some girls may have been scared away by his frankness. But I had liked him for some time. We were not young and reckless. I was 24 and he was 31. We prayed about this together. I told him he had to ask my Dad. (Weird Americans, right?)

Of course my Dad agreed. Though my Mom was NOT happy. I had promised not to fall in love during that year in Latvia. Now that was stupid wasn't it?! 

Many walks and talks later in June or July- I don't remember which now, we were back in that same park. It was a lovely evening- we were sitting by the pond. I knew the path over to the island because the gardener had told me once where the water was shallower. I told Janis and he carried me over to the island. 

My back was turned to him and when I turned around he was giving me a water lily with a ring on the stem. Of course I wanted to say "yes" but I didn't. I wore his ring while I "thought about it". 

I was in confusion. Mom said, "No way." Dad said, "Ok."What did my heart say? 

I have always been compliant. 

About a week later we were together and he was expecting my answer. 

I told him, "I can't marry you now. Maybe later."

He started to leave, walking away from me with bent shoulders. I couldn't bear it! It was then I knew my heart! 

"Come back, come back" I called after him. 

"That was not my answer" I told him. "I want to marry you."

And so we were engaged. 

Cross-Cultural Marriage

I read a lot of blogs, well I don't have time to keep up with all of them. But a lot of them show up on my reading list and at times I read a lot of them. I love keeping up with people I know and people that interest me. There are so many amazing people on my reading list.

As I have tried to discover my niche in this blogging world. I have been pondering what makes each of the blogs that I most enjoy reading unique. I have decided that there is a part of that person's life that makes them unique. Something they are an expert at or something they are wading through. Something that they can share with the rest of us- whether that be parenting, home school, jewelry, fashion, or something else.

I have been wondering what makes me and my life unique. There are many things I could choose, but the things I think would be most interesting to share and to learn about from others are: What life is like in another country for an American. And the quirks and tips in and for international marriages.

For anyone living in an international marriage or relationship you have your whole slew of stories and advice. I would love to hear from you on this topic. I love marriage advice when it helps lead to more happy moments together.

Of course the biggest obstacle in any relationship where you come from two different cultures is the language and the numerous misunderstandings that can and DO occur. We could write whole books on that.

Then you throw in the obstacle of living in the other person's culture and not your own. With this we get all kind of cultural differences, misunderstanding and funny stories.

My earliest silly story of life as a bride in a foreign country has to do with cooking. My husband likes all kinds of roots; beets, black radishes, celery root, etc. He had purchased a variety of these and so I, being the the good housewife decided to boil some beets for salad. I had eaten beets on occasion growing up in the states- but they are not particularly popular in my family. I boiled that beet for at least an hour and it would not get tender!  I began to wonder if this was going to be worth the time and electricity to get that beet cooked!

When my husband got home he "tested" it for me and began to laugh. He informed me that I was boiling a black radish and not a beet at all! Black radishes are not cooked, they are grated in salads and they don't get tender (I guess). I was embarrassed not to  have known the difference and accounted that to never having seen a black radish in my entire life. Of course I just assumed it was a beet. Ha, ha!

And so begins my tales of my life and love in a country other than my own- which I now call home.