January- Swimming Through Mud

I wonder if I am the only one who runs on a holiday high sea of emotions and then comes crashing down when January sets in?

It isn't that I don't like winter. In fact I delight in cold, crisp white winters and nothing could make me happier then a fresh snow and the purity of the white.

And yet this month could best be described for me emotionally as trying to swim through mud. I feel I am just trying to make it through; just trying to survive.

Where is my joy? Where is delight?

Yes, they have shown up at times this month- but I have found myself much more negative then the "me" I usually know.

My husband has been home this whole New Year on sick leave for his back.  Somehow that gets me out of whack- like totally. He is here enough for me to need to rethink my schedule so we can get our plans coordinated for his doctor's appointments which seems to pop up way too often. Yet he is in enough pain that he has spent most of the last month in bed- resting. Somehow this drives me crazy. . . (yes, I am horrible, I know).

Even writing that makes me feel self-conscious. But I guess I am used to being the home boss during the week. And now needing to plan our days and weeks in harmony is something we are still in need of learning to do better. And usually he is so active and it is hard to have him laid up.

I feel badly being so blue when I actually know I am so very blessed. I remind myself to rejoice and look for joy in thankfulness. And though it is a battle for joy- joy is also a choice, isn't it?

A choice to trust HIM, a choice to trust that HE is providing when it seems our funds are disappearing into thin air over doctor bills and medicines. A choice to look for the good and be thankful even when I don't feel like.

Our oldest boy (now 6) struggles a lot with his attitude. He doesn't want to do his homework or practice the violin. He doesn't want to go to lessons, etc. He only wants to play Legos and just do his own thing. I badger and threaten (to suspend his Legos for a day). I rally and encourage him to do his best. . . and somehow we plod on.

Then I stop and examine my own attitude and see myself in my boy. I too constantly struggle with attitude. Not wanting to do this, not wanting to do that; pushing myself to do what I must. I pout, I grumble, I react instead of responding. I hang my head sadly, knowing that my boy is mirroring me -(even when I keep it hidden inside- attitude somehow seeps out).

And so we struggle on- some days with heavy hearts; some days soaring and I cling to these words from Isaiah 40:31

31 but they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles, they shall run and not be weary, and they shall walk and not faint.

A whimsical sketch I did to capture my feelings "swimming through mud." The mud here is portrayed as mud-bubbles to make it more light-hearted. 

Mother Power

Sparks seem to continually fly from me of late.

I feel my New Year's desires of being a better Mom, and a more patient person lie like strewn clothes about the house I inhabit.

The dog escaped again, twice. How that irritates me- like wicked crumbs under ones skin.

I can't take the noise.

Everything seems to easily annoy me.

I am sick of me; sick of being so dark inside.

Yet, when I crawl to my Father. Feeling dirty and grimy from having been impatient. Feeling ever so wretched in my self-inflicted wounds of expecting too much and failing too often- I find relief.

This Father of mine who promised to make the dirty clean. Who takes my sad and naughty heart and washes it clean. With His tender hand as gentle as any mother washing her child's face. This Father, rights my fallen steps, and like a Daddy reaching his hand out to his toddler toppled over sets me right again.

So I carry on- washed clean. Given a new chance to walk.

As I look over my day I see how my outbursts set the course of my family temperature. When I stomp about in anger over a dog who has once again escaped- vowing that this is the last straw and that she must be sold. My children copy me; they too say how they don't like our dog- she is naughty, chews toys, etc.

I stop and watch. 

I breathe. 

I calm. 

I get alone with my Father. I get that cleaning up I so badly needed- that heart wash that reminds me that this life isn't about the me or these silly little nothings (like dogs escaping and unfinished homework) ; but that it is about HIM.

Then I come back. I peep into what my children are doing and saying and I see joy pouring out of them. I see how they are glad because of the little things. I see how the peace my husband seeps and my tender and silly goodnight makes them glow and giggle.

I wonder. 

I realize that we Mamas have a power over our families, much like that of an enchantress. We guide them to good or to evil. We make the sun shine or the storms rage. Our families look to us- they copy us.

Our values become their foundation. 

Our words become their backbone. 

Our prayers become their salvation. 

You, dear Mommy, no matter how much you fail like me, you are precious! You are needed! You are irreplaceable! I know there are days we would like to vanish. Being a Mommy is hard, ever so hard. But we can do this! Not alone, but with that dear Father. Trust Him today!

4 Weeks- Post Laparoscopic Appendectomy

December 10 was a normal day, busy, full. I was running around that evening, I thought I was fine.

Later that evening I was busy painting, I was drinking tea and nibbling chocolate as I worked to fill orders. I noticed my tummy  hurting a little. But thought little of it, my tummy aches other days too.

I went to bed late after an evening of painting and couldn't get comfy. My tummy hurt and neither side was right for sleeping. I got up a lot to use the restroom thinking it would relieve the tummy pain. All night long was sleepless- I finally drifted off towards morning.

My husband was working 2nd shift the next day and sent me in to see my doctor before he had to go to work. I couldn't clearly tell her if my side ached more when she pressed on it or released it- but she said it didn't look good and sent me to see the surgeon.

I felt surprisingly calm that morning. I was really tired, having not slept. I also felt that since I could drive myself to the doctor's it surely couldn't be too serious. . .

I was sent to make blood tests and then wait for the results and then back to the surgeon. When she got my tests back she said she 99% sure it was my appendix and I would need an operation that day. But just to be sure it wasn't something else she sent me to the gynaecologist.

From there it was a straight shot to the operating room. Even as they wheeled me down the hall way I was thinking that perhaps it was all a mistake and when they cut me open they'd realize it wasn't my appendix. I thought this because I had thought it should hurt more. . .

I was shocked how peaceful I felt through all of this. I have never liked doctors or hospitals- and had in fact never been admitted to one before. God was with me through this whole ordeal and was using these health problems to deal with unseen other healthy problems that had been slowly piling up.

Later that afternoon I was in my room with 3 other elderly ladies. I vomited alot after the anesthesia. I felt safe when my husband came and sat by me and held my hand. I had a tube for removing infection which was removed the following day.

48 hours passed without my being allowed to eat anything so when the first cream of wheat came on the 13th I was very happy to eat and it seemed delicious. The next few days of food weren't great, and I wondered how food could turn out that tasteless.

I was released on Monday- the 15th and eagerly awaited home by my husband and 3 kids.

A strict diet, not lifting and various meds were on the agenda through the holiday season- leaving me 7 lbs lighter and feeling a bit left out of the holiday baking spirit. Yet, things were calm this year for our home- and for that I am thankful.

Four weeks have passed since my operation and now my dietary restrictions are lifted so I will slowly being adding vegetables back into my diet (they were out because they cause cause bloating, etc).

I must say how thankful I am for God's good timing and the healing he has brought to me both through the doctors and medicines and his gentle touch of health and rest.

I was so incredibly blessed with visitors while in the hospital those 4 days and felt so special- knowing I wasn't forgotten. Thanks to everyone who took the time to visit me, call me and text me. Friends are such blessings in hard times.

I am so thankful for my husband who once again held the fort while I was on a forced "vacation" to regain my health!

Thanks to my kids who are learning how to do things I couldn't do for them this month after recovery.

Praise God through whom all blessings flow!

Silky Gifts for your Valentine

It may seem that Valentine's day is nothing special, and to some that may be. Yet I enjoy giving a little something to my special someone and having him remember me too. It is fun to remember those we love and Valentine's Day gives us a little extra day to do so.

Another fun way to commerate the day is by doing something special together. We like going out to dinner and making time to just BE together and talk.

I have a special sale in my shop right now if you want to buy you or your loved one or BOTH of you something special for Valentine's Day. Use the code BEMINE15 at checkout for 14 % off your order over $50.00.  Something silky is always a nice gift- and especially at Valentine's Day.

Here a couple colored themed options for the occasion.







Or maybe your dear friend loves dogs



Keep in mind that my items are shipping Internationally, so you need to order in a timely manner to get them on time.

Don't forget about your handsome man




So what do you do for Valentine's Day? If you don't have someone special to spoil, then maybe it is time you spoiled yourself a little bit?

Happy Friday!

That woman is blessed!

Do you see that woman, the one with the long brown hair? She seems worried too often, and yet seems to be trying hard to put her trust in Someone bigger than herself. Did you know, that she is blessed? 

Do you see that woman being pushed down the hospital hall way to the operating room? She is scared! She has never been in the hospital before and facing the removal of her appendix is frightening, but will be the means of restoring her health! Do you know what? She is blessed! 

Do you see her now laying on the couch, home from the hospital and gazing at the tree with her 3 young ones and dog milling about and tears in her eyes because she is home and knowing she is blessed! 

Do you see her now, standing in front of the fridge, wondering what to eat because now for one month she is on a strict diet to let her body recover? She feels a bit blue about missing out on the holiday foods, yet she feels blessed knowing this is the start of a healthier lifestyle that God chose to make necessary for her. 

Do you see her now feeling kind of badly because she can't bake up her storm of cookies like she usually does and wondering what to give to friends and slowly accepting that sometimes no gift is required and realizing that the greatest gift is YOU- JESUS! 

Do you see that woman with a husband who can fix anything and who uncomplainingly serves, works, fathers and loves his family and has been her best friend these 8 years? She is blessed and she knows it as they celebrate their eighth wedding anniversary in the ho-hom of everyday life. 

Do you see that woman, painting from her messy little work area, trying to create beauty and share it? Do you see her there, wondering if her art will sell and if it will bless anyone the way the creating of it has blessed her? Do you see her agonizing over which pictures to list and how to best describe her items. Does she know HOW blessed she is to get to use her hobbies and work a bit from home? 

Do you know how blessed you are dear one? I do! 

I am that woman that God has chosen to bless with His smile. 

- - - 

Thank you for your prayers everyone who knew about my surgery! 

Christmas in Macro

Thursday morning I came into the hospital after a sleepless night of stomach pains. I thought I'd be home again in no time, even drove myself in. But one doctor led to another, and in the end I was in the operating room for my appendix.

It is Sunday and I am still in the hospital, hoping to be released tomorrow. Today is Sunday, the 3rd Sunday of advent.

It is hard to be stuck in the hospital when the day is so lovely and you know everyone is making Christmas preparations.

And yet for several weeks I had this feeling that this year had to be different, that there needed to be a quiet in my life and a refocus on Christmas.

Now as I focus my thoughts on what has been and the unknown of recovery and Christmas I know that God has a reason for keeping my planning smaller this year. I usually bake tons of cookies to share, this year that won't happen. With all of the comforts and even diet of my normal life stripped away I have time to see my world differently.

I feel as if I have been given a new lens through which to see this season. And as I examine where I have been and look at Christmas through my macro lens this is what I see (because in macro  you focus on detail).

Look, there is the baby.
Not just any baby, but a baby intended to save this world. 

Look back a week and you can see his mother preparing, waiting, expecting, longing to meet her child. She would have been huge with child, and heavy. And as she and Joseph headed to Bethlehem should would have been uncomfortable, jostled, perhaps even in pain. 

Turning my lens forward I see that we too are a people longing for peace, joy, calm. We are expecting , we are waiting. Groaning and awaiting the coming of our Savior once again. Yet everyone is distracted, and runs about madly. Turning their thoughts to so many other things- their focus is too broad- their true purpose lost. 

Look again, focus in on the baby. There He is. In all his quiet glory. He came to innocent, weak, small, a child. Why? For you, for me, for eternity. 

If you look ahead and focus your lens on His future you will see the reason He came. It did not end at Christmas, or in the small baby born. But His story lives on in the crucifixion and Resurrection of a King who came to save and redeem His beloved world. 

So where is your focus? Which lens are you using?

Before I was using a wide-view lens and all the rush and bustle and gift buying of Christmas was taking all my attention and focus. But now, as I lie in my bed and think and ponder I see that this season, this Christmas, this year, this day and each opportunity I am given I will seek to direct our thoughts and my thoughts and my children's thoughts to Jesus.

Yes, we will have gifts. We will have a tree. But lets not get overwhelmed with the bustle, lets take the time close the doors and turn off the technology and marvel over this baby, and meet this King who came to save our broken world.

A Very Real Thanksgiving

Our celebrations started with a bang this year by my being asking to help some local church youth celebrate Thanksgiving American style. Which really means I had to plan and oversee the preparations for the meal. I made them 5 pies to crown the occasion and even got interviewed so they'd know why we celebrate.

My cousins even got to show up for the occasion which made the whole thing more special for both the youth and myself. The youth devoured the small turkey and seemed enjoy the evening and food.

We celebrated our family Thanksgiving Saturday. But it had to be done properly this year and with a real live turkey. Yes, LIVE.

Usually we do without a turkey at Thanksgiving because they don't sell them in the grocery store and are hard to come by. This year my husband did some searching and came up with a live one. He took my cousin's boyfriend along to help hold it while they brought it home. (Much to our amazement when covered with a bag they are very calm to transport in ones lap).

Cody and my husband did the job quickly and efficiently and we were proud to have a turkey on the table this year.

Notes for those needing to butcher your own turkey:
-get a helper who can take the ordeal.
- prepare a large pot of boiling water for immersing to the turkey to remove the feathers.
- be sure to remove all internal organs.
- be sure to butcher and chill at list 24 hours in advance so that the meat has time to cool.
- do your homework before beginning this job.
(for further info be in contact with my husband or Cody who were the ones who did the job).

We had a good old Thanksgiving meal, complete with a made from scratch- green bean casserole, stuffing, candied carrots, mashed potatoes, gravy, corn, pecan pie, apple pie and honey cake!

It was so good to have my cousins here and to get to celebrate with family this Thanksgiving!

I am so thankful for the blessed time we got to share together, it was a wonderful time for getting to know one another better.