January- Swimming Through Mud

I wonder if I am the only one who runs on a holiday high sea of emotions and then comes crashing down when January sets in?

It isn't that I don't like winter. In fact I delight in cold, crisp white winters and nothing could make me happier then a fresh snow and the purity of the white.

And yet this month could best be described for me emotionally as trying to swim through mud. I feel I am just trying to make it through; just trying to survive.

Where is my joy? Where is delight?

Yes, they have shown up at times this month- but I have found myself much more negative then the "me" I usually know.

My husband has been home this whole New Year on sick leave for his back.  Somehow that gets me out of whack- like totally. He is here enough for me to need to rethink my schedule so we can get our plans coordinated for his doctor's appointments which seems to pop up way too often. Yet he is in enough pain that he has spent most of the last month in bed- resting. Somehow this drives me crazy. . . (yes, I am horrible, I know).

Even writing that makes me feel self-conscious. But I guess I am used to being the home boss during the week. And now needing to plan our days and weeks in harmony is something we are still in need of learning to do better. And usually he is so active and it is hard to have him laid up.

I feel badly being so blue when I actually know I am so very blessed. I remind myself to rejoice and look for joy in thankfulness. And though it is a battle for joy- joy is also a choice, isn't it?

A choice to trust HIM, a choice to trust that HE is providing when it seems our funds are disappearing into thin air over doctor bills and medicines. A choice to look for the good and be thankful even when I don't feel like.

Our oldest boy (now 6) struggles a lot with his attitude. He doesn't want to do his homework or practice the violin. He doesn't want to go to lessons, etc. He only wants to play Legos and just do his own thing. I badger and threaten (to suspend his Legos for a day). I rally and encourage him to do his best. . . and somehow we plod on.

Then I stop and examine my own attitude and see myself in my boy. I too constantly struggle with attitude. Not wanting to do this, not wanting to do that; pushing myself to do what I must. I pout, I grumble, I react instead of responding. I hang my head sadly, knowing that my boy is mirroring me -(even when I keep it hidden inside- attitude somehow seeps out).

And so we struggle on- some days with heavy hearts; some days soaring and I cling to these words from Isaiah 40:31

31 but they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles, they shall run and not be weary, and they shall walk and not faint.

A whimsical sketch I did to capture my feelings "swimming through mud." The mud here is portrayed as mud-bubbles to make it more light-hearted. 

Mother Power

Sparks seem to continually fly from me of late.

I feel my New Year's desires of being a better Mom, and a more patient person lie like strewn clothes about the house I inhabit.

The dog escaped again, twice. How that irritates me- like wicked crumbs under ones skin.

I can't take the noise.

Everything seems to easily annoy me.

I am sick of me; sick of being so dark inside.

Yet, when I crawl to my Father. Feeling dirty and grimy from having been impatient. Feeling ever so wretched in my self-inflicted wounds of expecting too much and failing too often- I find relief.

This Father of mine who promised to make the dirty clean. Who takes my sad and naughty heart and washes it clean. With His tender hand as gentle as any mother washing her child's face. This Father, rights my fallen steps, and like a Daddy reaching his hand out to his toddler toppled over sets me right again.

So I carry on- washed clean. Given a new chance to walk.

As I look over my day I see how my outbursts set the course of my family temperature. When I stomp about in anger over a dog who has once again escaped- vowing that this is the last straw and that she must be sold. My children copy me; they too say how they don't like our dog- she is naughty, chews toys, etc.

I stop and watch. 

I breathe. 

I calm. 

I get alone with my Father. I get that cleaning up I so badly needed- that heart wash that reminds me that this life isn't about the me or these silly little nothings (like dogs escaping and unfinished homework) ; but that it is about HIM.

Then I come back. I peep into what my children are doing and saying and I see joy pouring out of them. I see how they are glad because of the little things. I see how the peace my husband seeps and my tender and silly goodnight makes them glow and giggle.

I wonder. 

I realize that we Mamas have a power over our families, much like that of an enchantress. We guide them to good or to evil. We make the sun shine or the storms rage. Our families look to us- they copy us.

Our values become their foundation. 

Our words become their backbone. 

Our prayers become their salvation. 

You, dear Mommy, no matter how much you fail like me, you are precious! You are needed! You are irreplaceable! I know there are days we would like to vanish. Being a Mommy is hard, ever so hard. But we can do this! Not alone, but with that dear Father. Trust Him today!

4 Weeks- Post Laparoscopic Appendectomy

December 10 was a normal day, busy, full. I was running around that evening, I thought I was fine.

Later that evening I was busy painting, I was drinking tea and nibbling chocolate as I worked to fill orders. I noticed my tummy  hurting a little. But thought little of it, my tummy aches other days too.

I went to bed late after an evening of painting and couldn't get comfy. My tummy hurt and neither side was right for sleeping. I got up a lot to use the restroom thinking it would relieve the tummy pain. All night long was sleepless- I finally drifted off towards morning.

My husband was working 2nd shift the next day and sent me in to see my doctor before he had to go to work. I couldn't clearly tell her if my side ached more when she pressed on it or released it- but she said it didn't look good and sent me to see the surgeon.

I felt surprisingly calm that morning. I was really tired, having not slept. I also felt that since I could drive myself to the doctor's it surely couldn't be too serious. . .

I was sent to make blood tests and then wait for the results and then back to the surgeon. When she got my tests back she said she 99% sure it was my appendix and I would need an operation that day. But just to be sure it wasn't something else she sent me to the gynaecologist.

From there it was a straight shot to the operating room. Even as they wheeled me down the hall way I was thinking that perhaps it was all a mistake and when they cut me open they'd realize it wasn't my appendix. I thought this because I had thought it should hurt more. . .

I was shocked how peaceful I felt through all of this. I have never liked doctors or hospitals- and had in fact never been admitted to one before. God was with me through this whole ordeal and was using these health problems to deal with unseen other healthy problems that had been slowly piling up.

Later that afternoon I was in my room with 3 other elderly ladies. I vomited alot after the anesthesia. I felt safe when my husband came and sat by me and held my hand. I had a tube for removing infection which was removed the following day.

48 hours passed without my being allowed to eat anything so when the first cream of wheat came on the 13th I was very happy to eat and it seemed delicious. The next few days of food weren't great, and I wondered how food could turn out that tasteless.

I was released on Monday- the 15th and eagerly awaited home by my husband and 3 kids.

A strict diet, not lifting and various meds were on the agenda through the holiday season- leaving me 7 lbs lighter and feeling a bit left out of the holiday baking spirit. Yet, things were calm this year for our home- and for that I am thankful.

Four weeks have passed since my operation and now my dietary restrictions are lifted so I will slowly being adding vegetables back into my diet (they were out because they cause cause bloating, etc).

I must say how thankful I am for God's good timing and the healing he has brought to me both through the doctors and medicines and his gentle touch of health and rest.

I was so incredibly blessed with visitors while in the hospital those 4 days and felt so special- knowing I wasn't forgotten. Thanks to everyone who took the time to visit me, call me and text me. Friends are such blessings in hard times.

I am so thankful for my husband who once again held the fort while I was on a forced "vacation" to regain my health!

Thanks to my kids who are learning how to do things I couldn't do for them this month after recovery.

Praise God through whom all blessings flow!

Silky Gifts for your Valentine

It may seem that Valentine's day is nothing special, and to some that may be. Yet I enjoy giving a little something to my special someone and having him remember me too. It is fun to remember those we love and Valentine's Day gives us a little extra day to do so.

Another fun way to commerate the day is by doing something special together. We like going out to dinner and making time to just BE together and talk.

I have a special sale in my shop right now if you want to buy you or your loved one or BOTH of you something special for Valentine's Day. Use the code BEMINE15 at checkout for 14 % off your order over $50.00.  Something silky is always a nice gift- and especially at Valentine's Day.

Here a couple colored themed options for the occasion.







Or maybe your dear friend loves dogs



Keep in mind that my items are shipping Internationally, so you need to order in a timely manner to get them on time.

Don't forget about your handsome man




So what do you do for Valentine's Day? If you don't have someone special to spoil, then maybe it is time you spoiled yourself a little bit?

Happy Friday!